A transformative boudoir photoshoot in Minneapolis

*A gentle heads up - this blog post references sexual assault and the violence LGBTQ+ folks face.

I was so incredibly honored to work with Nikki. She is a truly radiant human. They also traveled from out of state for their photoshoot at my boudoir studio in Minneapolis, and it always feels like the highest compliment when folks plan a trip to Minnesota specifically to work with me.

At her core, Nikki is a bold, dramatic, beautiful soul, and she wanted her portraits to capture her authentic self. She also wanted her portraits to feel feminine, special, and celebratory. In my boudoir studio, I want every client to be able to say “This is who I am and I can exist here as me, for me.” Nikki brought their whole self into the photoshoot experience, and it was nothing short of inspirational to capture her embodying her full self.

After Nikki’s boudoir experience, she shared such powerful words and generously gave me permission to share her words here. After reading their story, keep scrolling to see their truly incredible portraits - full of self-loving, bold, dramatic energy.

Nikki’s boudoir story

“Wow. It's hard to know where to start. The experience was transformational.

I was so full of self-doubt until the moment I saw the wall of prints. I had not lost the 20 lbs I told myself that I would. I felt fat. My hands and legs were covered in scratches from my new kitten. I hadn't gotten enough sleep. I had been stressed for the last two weeks because of – well, life was life-ing. I hadn’t hydrated as much as I wanted to. I was rushing to get ready. I thought if I was lucky, there might be at best 10 salvageable photos from the whole shoot, if any. All of these things were negativity in my head that wanted me to postpone this day. However, there was something deeper in me that absolutely refused to listen and made me push on. I listened to a different voice, who reminded me that, despite getting a haircut, mani, and pedi in a new city at salons I had never been to, it all worked out and my hair and nails looked fabulous. That I should take time for a massage and a bubble bath the night before. That I was going. That this was important. That I deserved this, and needed this, for a reason. A really, really, important reason.

I was raped; I was violently assaulted -- because of who I was and what I looked like. 

These are truths, but they do not define me.  

In response to those truths, I numbed myself and painted over the actual me. After years (and therapy), those thousands of layers of thick paint couldn’t build any thicker and began to crack. For the first time in a very long time I began to feel safe enough to see the actual me again. I began to reject the notion that there was something fundamentally flawed and wrong with me. I started to have fleeting, but real, feelings of true confidence, maybe for the first time in my life. And something made me realise I wanted, and needed, to capture this moment. To capture that feeling. To capture the actual me – because she… slays. Almost like I was afraid she’d be washed away again. She was the voice that shut down my self-doubt and ensured I would not postpone this. And somehow, I found you.  

On the day of the photoshoot, everything was so perfect and comforting and beautiful from the moment that I walked in. The incredibly kind, thoughtful, beautiful personalised touches like the message board with my name and affirmation of celebration, the beautiful note you wrote on the mirror in the bathroom, the candles, champagne, the personalised playlist, your makeup artist who was so incredible and kind and like you, had such a beautiful soul -- literally everything and every detail made me feel so warm, accepted, calm, loved and seen from the moment I walked in. It was so intentional. So thoughtful. So uniquely, amazingly special. 

During the reveal, you made me feel calm and loved. Never rushed. You gave me support. You gave me a gift that I can barely begin to even find words to describe its gravity. Again, the thoughtfulness and care involved in how you planned this, just like the shoot, was just better than words can describe. It meant so, so, so much to me. It was perfect. It was distilled joy.

Usually when I'm in a new place, a new neighbourhood, a new city, anywhere I don't absolutely know I'll be accepted, I have a tendency to make myself smaller – to take up as little physical space as possible, to physically convey almost an apology to others for who I am, how I present, and what I look like. Walking with shoulders and head down. Afraid. 

Yesterday after the reveal I parked my car in the parking garage and began the three block walk back to where I'm staying. I noticed that I was walking with my head held high and my shoulders back. I wasn't apologising for being me. With each and every confident step that I took, I could literally feel every “faggot” that’s been levelled at me my whole life shed away from me like ash, blowing away behind me. Every step I felt lighter and taller. Negativity blowing away like a cloud. What I saw in those photos was a beautiful human being. I think it was impossible for me to actually internalise and believe that until I physically saw those images in print. I walked down that sidewalk and my self-doubt and self-hatred fell away. The negative people and negative things they did were no longer going to follow me and make me feel less-than or apologise for just existing as me. “Fuck ‘em” was like my marching anthem. 

Fear used to be one of my main go-to emotions. This experience - you - made me feel strong and not afraid. I can never repay you for that. I tried with varying success to keep it together at your studio during the reveal, but I fucking collapsed when I got home. I sobbed with pure joy and happiness. Then I took the best, most peaceful, relaxing bath I’ve ever had.

I owe you so much. This experience in so many ways has truly saved me. Yesterday was perhaps the greatest gift I have ever received. It was almost like the final, biggest piece that I needed to find myself and love myself again. I will never be able to thank you enough.

This experience has been a revelation of self-acceptance.  At some point while I was sitting on your couch and looking at the incredible art that you created, I heard Ru Paul in head saying, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?” I always thought that I understood that, but it was in that moment that I realised I never had. Until that moment. Thank you for giving me back to myself. 

Please keep doing what you do, and keep bringing joy and love and acceptance and art and beauty into this sometimes shitty world, because people like you are the one beam of hope it has going for it. You, and this experience, changed my life. Your soul is so full of love and beauty and kindness. You have such mind-blowing talent. I don't know how you do it, but please keep doing it. You and the incredible, beautiful art that you make truly is making the world a better place and changing lives – and I feel so fortunate to be one of them.

Thank you, Alyssa, from the deepest part of my heart.”

nikki’s wardrobe inspiration and boudoir portraits in Minneapolis, MN

On the day of her session, Nikki brought along a ton of outfit options to look through together before deciding on her final wardrobe. All of her options were black, and when folks bring multiple options in a similar color or style palette, I like to think about how we can show variety through different silhouettes, textures, and necklines. Nikki loved the final options we decided on. They also opted for professional make-up and loved how celebratory it felt to start their photoshoot experience this way - big shout out to Kelsey from Volition for her incredible work!

For her first look, Nikki wore a high-necked body suit with denim shorts, a corset, patterned tights, and an amazing pair of dramatic boots. They looked cool, calm, and confident lounging on the bed in my studio.

For her second look, Nikki wore a lacy crop top with a dramatic skirt layered over tights and heels. I photographed her in front of my black backdrop, and I love how elegant and self-loving these portraits feel.

Next Nikki wore a simple, off the shoulder black dress. I photographed them resting on the couch in my studio. With the warm tones of the couch and wall behind them, their eyes really pop, and these portraits are full of sensual, romantic energy.

Posing in front of my silhouette panel, Nikki wore a black leather corset over a black leather mini skirt with a sheer, gold-trimmed skirt on top. These are some of my absolute favorite portraits from the session - at once exuberant, self-loving, bold, and gentle.

Nikki ended the session with a series of implied nude portraits. Embracing herself and wrapped up in a white sheet, she looks joyful and at peace.