Consent and Privacy with Boudoir Portraits and C’s Anonymous Boudoir Session

“C” came to my studio for a boudoir session to celebrate her 30th birthday - a gift she gave to herself. Her session had a self-celebratory theme and the power of honoring herself in this moment radiated through in her portraits. Kelsey from The Hair Badassery styled her hair with soft waves, and I adored her periwinkle slip from Flirt Boutique in St. Paul. 

One of C’s first questions when she connected with me was: “Do I have to put my pictures on the internet?” This is a common question because when you look at my work you’ll see a lot of pictures of people, and it is easy to wonder: “Am I going to end up there?”

The truth is your pictures can be completely private and entirely yours. I will invite you to share them if you would like, but any photographs that you have seen of past clients on my website, social media, example products I use in the studio, and online publications are there because those people have given me really explicit permission to share them. I’ve also had plenty of clients who chose not to let their portraits be shared at all - in fact, some of my favorite pictures can never be shown to anyone, and this is just fine because my ultimate goal is not for pictures to live on my Illuminate Boudoir social media; my goal is to document a moment in time and change the lives of the people I work with.

There are also some folks I work with who fall somewhere in the middle. C did not feel comfortable sharing most of her portraits publicly and instead opted to keep most of her pictures private. However, she gave me permission to share pictures that are anonymous and don’t feel identifying to her, meaning pictures that don’t include her face or identifying pieces of jewelry or tattoos.

I work with all kinds of people, regardless of their professional status or social life, who do not want their pictures shared online. It is fair to decide your pictures are for you alone and not for anyone else’s eyes. Many times it is common for people to have concerns because our bodies can feel personal or vulnerable, and I believe your portraits should not automatically be shared - which is why I believe that it is important to consider privacy.  (more on privacy with your portraits and another anonymous boudoir session on the blog).

Consent is something that I consider all the time as a boudoir photographer. It is really important to me that nothing in my boudoir studio happens without your consent, and this comes across in ways beyond how I use your portraits. For example, while posing I will always try to ask permission before touching your hair or adjusting your bra strap. And, I will try to never assume you want to look a certain way and will instead give you multiple options for poses. I might say: “If we want this to feel soft and cozy, we can take it this direction, or if we want it to feel more dramatic and bold, we can take it this direction.”

I take this approach during all of my photoshoots partly because I view boudoir sessions as a collaborative process and also because I value your consent. It is collaborative in that you as a client are part of shaping how your pictures look and feel, and honors your consent in that I won’t assume you want your pictures to look or feel a certain way just based on my perception of you. 

I try to create a safe, inclusive and welcoming space (more on my commitment to inclusivity here) - and to me that means explaining everything clearly, presenting you with options, and giving you a lot of control. This comes across during your time in the studio and how your photos will live on afterward!

C, thank you for trusting me with your story and portraits. Your choice to gift yourself a boudoir session for your birthday is so inspiring! It was an honor to work with you and document this time in your life. Thank you so much - and happy birthday!