Top Reasons for Doing Boudoir: the good, the bad, and everything in between
In my 7+ years of doing boudoir photography with hundreds of clients, I have had folks come to me with a lot of different reasons why they want to do a boudoir session. Some reasons are good, some are not so good, and some are complicated and in-between. Out of these conversations, I’ve built a philosophy about what boudoir means in my studio and when it’s the right decision for someone to do boudoir.
There are a lot of misconceptions about what boudoir is, who it is for, and why we should do boudoir, so I want to take a moment today and share the top reasons to do a boudoir session, and why not to do a boudoir session. All of these reasons come from real conversations I have had with folks over the years.
Before reading any further, please hear me when I say: there is no shame attached to any of these reasons! My intention is not to make folks feel bad for wanting to do boudoir for the wrong reasons. Instead I hope to begin a conversation about when is the right time to schedule a boudoir session. Boudoir is not for every moment, but it is for everybody and every body. What matters most is listening deeply to when it feels right, and healthy, for you.
Bad reasons to do boudoir (or in other words, it’s not the right time yet):
Your partner wants you to (even if you don’t): The reality is, not everyone wants to do boudoir, and that’s okay! But if you do schedule a session, I believe strongly that it needs to be something you want to do. A boudoir session involves vulnerability–emotionally and physically–and if you don’t have buy-in to do a session, it won’t feel like a safe and positive experience. If your partner brings up the idea, and you feel nervous but are interested, then that’s a different story and we should talk! A lot of my clients do boudoir to create a gift for their partner, which can be great. But what’s essential is that you also are interested and up for the experience. This is part of my boudoir philosophy because I always want the studio to feel like a safe, empowering place where you want to be.
Your friend wants you to (and you don’t): Again, we all have different comfort levels with boudoir photography, and that’s normal. If boudoir was an inspiring experience for your friend and they tell you “you need to do boudoir too!” then I absolutely agree it’s worth considering! Many of my clients schedule a session after a friend inspires them to do it. But if your friend wanting you to do a session is the only reason you are doing it, then that tells me it isn’t the right time for you yet.
You have a negative relationship with your body and want boudoir to fix it: First of all, you are not alone. So many of us have worked, or are working, on healing our relationships with our bodies. But second: boudoir is not the sole solution. Building a positive, healthy relationship with our bodies takes time and support. If you are actively struggling with your relationship with your body, then a boudoir session may not feel safe or positive, and it could feel like a negative step in your journey instead of a positive or healing one. Alongside therapy and other supportive resources, a boudoir session can be a beautiful way to document and celebrate the growth you have made in building a positive relationship with your body (and if you’re looking for some support, you can find a provider here!) But if you want to do boudoir as a one-stop-shop fix for seeing your body differently, then the experience likely won’t feel healing or successful.
You want to feel like someone else for a day (and not yourself): A core part of my boudoir philosophy is that sessions are all about celebrating your authentic self. If you want to do boudoir as a way of having a makeover and dressing up as someone else, that’s totally valid, it’s just not in line with my approach. That said, if you feel like there’s a side of yourself that you haven’t been able to show or tend to in a while, then that’s another story and boudoir can be a beautiful way of highlighting that part of yourself. What’s important to me is that through and through you feel like an authentic you.
Great reasons to do boudoir (so let’s schedule a session!):
You’re celebrating a season of life you’re proud of: A majority of my clients reach out to do boudoir as a way of documenting an important season of life. This can mean so many different things to different people– thriving in your job, doing hobbies you’re proud of, a personal achievement, coming home to yourself or to an important identity, etc. It can be such an impactful experience to document that chapter of your life with art you can keep forever.
You’re celebrating a positive, balanced relationship with your body: As I mentioned above, none of us have a perfectly healthy or balanced relationship with our bodies, and I’m certainly not expecting that from potential clients. Many of my clients share with me about the journey they have navigated or are navigating to build a more balanced and positive relationship with their bodies. These folks decide to do boudoir as a way of documenting and honoring their growth and healing, be that getting to a place of body-neutrality or body-positivity. These sessions are a beautiful way to celebrate your beauty, inside and out, and honor the journey you have been on to feel at home in your skin.
You’re becoming a parent or grandparent: An important moment in your life like this can be so incredible to capture with art! Some folks come to me requesting a pregnancy or maternity boudoir session to document their body as it goes through a big change. And some folks do boudoir as they are adopting a child or welcoming a grandchild into their lives. All of these are powerful moments in your family and also often signal big personal change and growth, and it can be an incredible time to memorialize that shift with portraits.
You’re celebrating a milestone birthday (like 40, 50, 60): I love helping clients celebrate landmark birthdays. Whether you’re turning 30 or 70, it can be so beautiful to devote a day all to celebrating you and your story through art.
You’re honoring your connection to nature: For my clients who choose outdoor boudoir, many of them do so in order to celebrate a meaningful location or landscape. Honoring yourself in a special place through boudoir art can be such a magical experience. And I love getting to travel to these important places with you to create art together! I also have clients who request Flower Boudoir sessions where we incorporate a giant bouquet of flowers into your portraits. This can be another special way to document your connection with nature.
Most popular (and great!) reasons to do boudoir:
You want to honor your body after carrying you through a significant health change, challenge, or crisis: I am truly moved by the courage of my clients who decide to do boudoir as a tribute to their body. Some folks reach out while navigating a chronic health problem, while others have just received a new health diagnosis. Some have had an experience of miscarriage or are navigating a season of infertility. In all these cases, boudoir can be a powerful opportunity to take a day to honor yourself and your body. It is a way of communicating through art that I am still here.
You’re getting married or have a romantic anniversary you want to celebrate: I work with folks every year who choose to do boudoir with a dual purpose in mind of celebrating an important chapter in their own life (think engagement, marriage, birthday, anniversary, etc.) and also giving their portraits as a gift to their partner. While I think it’s beautiful to share your portraits with someone else as a gift, what I especially love is how often clients tell me after a session that the day became less about giving their portraits away and more about seeing the day as a gift to themselves.
You recently got divorced and want to celebrate paving a new chapter: This is one of my favorite reasons for someone to do boudoir because it’s a life moment we don’t always think to honor well in our society. Yet creating art as a way of celebrating a fresh season of life or paving new ground beneath your feet can be so meaningful.
You’re coming out the other side of a challenging season and want to celebrate your resilience: This is probably the single most popular reason why clients reach out to do a boudoir session with me. All of us have chapters in life, both big and small, that stretch and shape us. When we come out to the other side, it can be incredibly healing to pause, take a deep breath, and celebrate the strength it required to arrive here. Many of my clients find a boudoir session in my studio a powerful way to remember where they’ve been and celebrate where they are now, devoting the whole day to self-acceptance and self-celebration.