In Their Own Skin: Kate
Welcome to the “In Their Own Skin” series.
One of the biggest honors of my job as a boudoir photographer is hearing the stories clients share with me. While these stories are not mine to share on a public platform, I hold them close in my heart. They bring me inspiration, strength, and light in a way that only true humanity and vulnerability can.
I created the “In Their Own Skin” series to share some of these stories with you. The “In Their Own Skin” participants graciously consented to share their stories (told in their own words) alongside their boudoir pictures. My sincere hope is that these stories and pictures will bring you moments of strength, uplift your soul, and encourage you to keep moving forward, especially as we navigate these challenging times.
I’m so excited to introduce you to Kate, the next participant in the “In Their Own Skin” series! Kate speaks with authenticity, intentionality, and humor about the steps she’s taken to cultivate self-love within herself and those around her. Here are her words.
“I’m Kate. I’m 30 years old. I work full-time at the University of Minnesota as a project specialist and part-time at Ulta Beauty.
"Over the last four years, I’ve really figured myself out. Growing up, I had a lot of self-esteem issues. I’ve always been a bigger person. I developed really early -- I had to wear a bra by the end of kindergarten, and I had my period by the time I got to fourth grade. I got teased a lot. I was the tallest kid in the class until fourth grade. I remember being at the drinking fountain in second grade and people were snapping my bra, because nobody else had to wear a bra, and you could see it through my school uniform.
“It was really hard, and on top of that, my mom doesn’t have a great image of herself. I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older how much that impacted me. I remember her saying things like, ‘Kate, girls like us don’t look good in swimsuits like that.’ She never meant anything bad by it, but I know that she had her own body image issues. Today, she’s like, ‘You’re so brave for showing off your arms,’ and I’m like, ‘I’m just hot!’ I really struggled with that for a long time.
“I finally started to come into my own body and realize that no matter what size I am, I’m still going to be attractive. Sure, not everyone’s going to think I’m attractive, but it’s personal preference. I have to remind myself of that! I still struggle with it, but for the most part, I feel like over the last couple of years I’ve really found who I am.”
“I can be vulnerable, I can share my emotions.”
"I had a ‘year of yes,’ where I decided I was going to say yes to every opportunity that comes my way, even if it’s something that I’m totally not comfortable with -- as long as it’s not illegal or sketchy, I’ll do it! So I did a lot of public speaking. I did some work for the Alzheimer’s Association, where you have to be really vulnerable; you have to share a really personal story on a regular basis. So I cried in front of a lot of people. And it just got to the point where I was like, okay, this isn’t the end of the world if I cry in front of people! I can be vulnerable, I can share my emotions, and I can talk about how I’m feeling.
“That was also when I started thinking that no matter how I’m feeling, it’s probably good to start seeing a therapist and talking through things. I started seeing a therapist, and that was going really well. It was just nice to know that every month, I have an appointment scheduled.”
“Let’s get there. It’s okay.”
“I finally figured out who I am, and that has helped me help other people. I see my friends becoming moms, and some of them have been very intentional in the way they talk about their own bodies in front of their kids, and others haven’t. I have tried to be really cautious and careful about what I’m saying about myself and the conversations I’m having with my friends in front of their kids, because I don’t want those kids to have the same experience that I did.
“A lot of my friends gained weight after they got pregnant. Some of them lost it, some of them didn’t. I’ve noticed that some of the ones that gained a lot of weight came and talked to me. They’re like, ‘You’re just always so confident and you’re plus-sized, and I really admire that! I’m totally fine with the changes in my body.’ And I’m like, ‘The way you’re talking about it tells me that you’re not, so let’s get there. It’s okay.’
“I’m trying my hardest to just own who I am. Are there things I’d like to change about myself? Yes. But does it mean that I’m not worthy of things or not attractive how I am now? No. So I think that’s kind of how I’ve gotten to where I am now -- kind of slowly being forced, and taking my ‘year of yes’ to dive right in.
“I think a lot of my friends, especially the ones that I can see have a lot of that negative self-talk, got it from their parents. I’m trying not to pass that onto our kids and our future generations. You don’t have to keep it to yourself and just live with that and not ever talk about it, but (I try to) be cautious about how I talk about it so it’s not making other people feel ‘less than.’”
“I’ve really come to love my curves.”
“The last couple years, in terms of my body, I’ve really come to love my curves. I feel really good about the shape of my body.
“I feel like I’m really easy to get along with and talk to; I have a lot of friends who are always coming to me with their problems and I kind of love that! I love that I’m fairly open and willing to try things and be adventurous."
Kate, thank you so much for sharing your story with us! As we worked together, I was blown away by how delightful it is to spend time with you -- you have SUCH a calming, fun, lighthearted presence! Your creativity and confidence just radiates in each of your photos. Thank you for trusting me with your boudoir portraits! I am so grateful that we met!!