In Their Own Skin: "S"

Welcome to the “In Their Own Skin” series. 

One of the biggest honors of my job as a boudoir photographer is hearing the stories clients share with me. While these stories are not mine to share on a public platform, I hold them close in my heart. They bring me inspiration, strength, and light in a way that only true humanity and vulnerability can. 

I created the “In Their Own Skin” series to share some of these stories with you. The “In Their Own Skin” participants graciously consented to share their stories (told in their own words) alongside their boudoir pictures. My sincere hope is that these stories and pictures will bring you moments of strength, uplift your soul, and encourage you to keep moving forward, especially as we navigate these challenging times. 

I am so honored to introduce you to “S,” the first person whose story and pictures I’ll be sharing with you as part of the “In Their Own Skin” series. “S” lives in St. Paul and spends her free time hiking outdoors, hanging out at home with her husband and dog, and camping in the summer. Her story is full of power and gentleness, and her portraits really show how much love and self-light she holds for herself. Here are her words. 

“What can my body do?” 

“Growing up, I played a lot of sports and didn’t ever really think that much about my body, beyond running around and playing sports and going to practices. Getting to college, there was a whole new component as my body changed from practicing three times a day to sitting in a dark room and eating mac and cheese. That’s when I started getting into endurance, like trail running, ultra-running, and stuff like that -- like, what can my body do?

“After being diagnosed with ovarian cancer and having subsequent surgery, I really grappled with my body. Quite frankly, I had a lot of feelings of betrayal, because I couldn’t do any of the things that I used to do that made me love my body. Add on top, as someone who has had her ovaries removed to stop the cancer, I’m in menopause now.”

“It’s work that’s never finished.” 

“I am forced to grapple with some of the yucky ideas about what a 20-something year-old woman’s body ‘should’ look like and what a menopausal body ‘should’ look like. I’ve really had to confront a lot of my own internalized expectations about what a body should be, which has implications across the board. It’s work that’s never finished.

“It’s been a lot to grapple with. I think there’s been a point of acceptance that I started to get moments of, especially after regaining strength in my body, and in some ways became stronger than I was prior to having surgery. I’ve had a massive evolution in the meaning of body image and how that has played into the perception of myself. For a while, I was really forced to separate the idea of what my body was from who I was and find ways to differentiate that. It’s led me to a better, more authentic version of myself.”

“In a way, I really feel strongly that I am not the same person that I was.”

“Sometimes people say, ‘You look so great,’ or, ‘You’re so strong and graceful.’ And I think, ‘Well, it’s kind of been sink or swim!’ There’s not really a choice. You figure out how to muddle through, and if you’re fortunate to come out on the other end, you’ve got some new tools in your toolbox.”

“I’m really, really proud of my resilience.” 

“I wouldn’t say my strength [is what I’m proudest of], even though I think that’s a component of it. I think resilience is really about bouncing back, or even just finding a way forward and finding joy in that way forward.

“If even one person in the world going through a similar experience can read this and think, ‘Oh, she did it, she’s okay, maybe I’ll be okay,’ then none of this is in vain.”

“S,” from the flowers you brought in from your garden to your words about your journey through cancer and how it’s shaped how you view yourself, everything about you radiates strength and beauty. Thank you so much for bringing your whole, powerful, light-filled self into your boudoir session and sharing it with us. You are an incredible human, and I’m so grateful to have met you. Thank you for sharing your story.