Welcome to the “In Their Own Skin” series.

One of the biggest honors of my job as a boudoir photographer is hearing the stories clients share with me. While these stories are not mine to share on a public platform, I hold them close in my heart. They bring me inspiration, strength, and light in a way that only true humanity and vulnerability can.

I created the “In Their Own Skin” series to share some of these stories with you. The “In Their Own Skin” participants graciously consented to share their stories (told in their own words) alongside their boudoir pictures. My sincere hope is that these stories and pictures will bring you moments of strength, uplift your soul, and encourage you to keep moving forward, especially as we navigate these challenging times.

Today I get to introduce you to Melissa, the third participant in the “In Their Own Skin” series. Melissa is a 31 year-old whose story and pictures are full of confidence, creativity, and authenticity. Here are her words.

“I was raised to be really strong and confident in who I am.”

“I’m Melissa. I’m a teacher during the day, and in the evenings, I’m usually watching something with my husband! We cook together every night. I’m usually on social media a lot; and it’s a great way to connect with people during coronavirus.

“I was raised to be really strong and confident in who I am. When I was growing up, ‘I need to get my PhD before I get married,’ was sort of a normal saying in my house, and so I was raised with a lot of confidence.

“In high school, [I experienced] sort of the classic high school thing of trying to fit in. I would do things to control my body in hopes that someone would like me or have romantic feelings for me. I had a lot of great friends, but my relationship with myself was more negative because it was so focused on [receiving] external validation from a potential romantic partner. I wasn’t really experiencing that from myself or doing things for myself.

“I was single my whole life pretty much until I went to New York after college. Then I was on my own in a brand new place, and I think that’s when I became more self-reliant.

“There was still comparison -- that happens anywhere, but especially in New York. I was dating a lot of people and still invested in receiving affirmation from romantic partners. As I was building my own self-confidence, that need to receive affirmation lowered over time.”

“I created this ideal life as a single person.”

“When I moved back to the Midwest, I started seriously working on my mental health. This helped me understand why I was seeking external validation so much. It wasn’t necessarily that I was lacking self-confidence; it was actually related to being really anxious all the time.

“I moved back to Minneapolis, and I started thinking, ‘okay, what if I don’t end up in a romantic relationship ever? What sorts of traditions do I see myself doing as a 40 year-old, as a single person?’...because there’s also value to that. And so I created this ideal fantasy life as a single person for myself.

“And then I met my husband. We met online, and he ended up being really close friends in graduate school with one of my close friends in undergrad. Trust built quickly -- we didn’t have to vet each other! We fell in love really really quickly, and I proposed after eight months.”

“I had already done the work of building myself up.”

“Our relationship was really great in gaining my confidence, because I had already done the work of building myself up. Having that affirmed by a romantic partner that I truly didn’t think I was going to have was really cool.

“It’s sort of when I got the best of both, which I’m really grateful for. I’m really grateful to him for constantly affirming me, but also in affirming my own perception of myself as well. I think that that’s really important.

“I think the cliche that you have to be your best version of yourself or confident in who you are before you find a second person to share a life with is really true. Women especially don’t spend the time thinking about what value they could have in their life as a single person.

“I think as much as you can, invest in yourself and think of an alternate fantasy of your life as a single person. I think that is really important as you work on becoming comfortable with that option. You may or may not meet someone in the process, but even if you don’t, then you have an idealized life that you're living anyways.”

“I am the most happy that I’ve ever been.”

“I think as my body has changed and gotten bigger, I have become happier.

“In learning and reading and talking with other people with larger bodies, I think it’s really important to remember that our society isn’t built for people in larger bodies. Yes, I am the largest size I’ve ever been, but I am also the most happy that I’ve ever been.

“My health has not shifted or changed as my body has stretched in different ways. I think that that’s really difficult for a lot of people to understand, and it took a long time for me to not have that internalized anymore.”

“I don’t want any parts of my life to be incongruent.”

“I really like that I am a clear communicator. I’m really thoughtful with what I say, and I don’t ever say anything that I don’t mean. It allows people to trust that what I say is true, and they don’t have to jump through hoops to understand what I’m saying.

“I also really like that I am very principled. I don’t want any parts of my life to be incongruent with one another. I try really hard to have different parts of my life mesh well together and make sense. I like being that way because it often pushes other people in their own areas in which they might not be congruent, because I think that that’s something I can bring to a friendship or a relationship.

“There were definitely parts of my life where I didn’t feel very confident or sure, but I’ve always been described as a person who’s really confident and sure of themself most of the time, and I really like who I am.”

Melissa, I am so, so grateful we got to work together. Your creativity, confidence, and wholehearted authenticity were palpable to me from our first conversation, and I love how your energy comes across in these portraits. I admire how you push yourself to grow as a person and how you embrace life exactly as it is. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story with the world - I'm so grateful that we met.